the life and times of jason phoon

My girlfriend, Jessie

This draft was saved on my blog a few months back, and I actually listed down a few things I wanted in a woman. Here they are:

• long hair
• caring
• feminine
• elder sibling
• can cook

Unfortunately, my girlfriend only fulfills the long hair part. Well, maybe she is caring.

In fact, when I was flirting with her I even joked about her not meeting my criteria. I probably said that just to lower her ego a few notches (useful tip for guys).

Moral of the story is, don’t make a list. Life might surprise you with someone better

Most of you would be familiar with koalas:

A koala.

Not many people outside Australia know about a similar animal called drop bears. An easy way to spot a dropbear is by its fangs. Unfortunately, by the time you spot its fangs, it might be too late:

A dropbear. Note the fangs.

Dropbears are extremely territorial, and will defend their homes from trespassers. They are also incredibly agile, being able to leap from branch to branch, and even latch onto other animals (or even a person) with its strong claws.

A dropbear attacks from above.

Koalas usually eat eucalyptus leaves, which have a sedative effect. Koalas are also known for their laidback demeanour, probably from eating these leaves. Dropbears however, are carnivorous and would actually hunt other animals for sustenance. Dropbears have been sighted to have even attacked larger animals, such as in the photograph below:

A dropbear eats a small goat.

A dropbear attack survivor.

As a public service the Australian Government has created an awareness campaign for these creatures:

Remember!

LOOK UP, STAY ALIVE

I like July. Lots of my friends have their birthdays around this time, and I personally think July babies are generally the best people you can have around. Its just a coincidence, but five of the girls I’ve dated are born on this very month. They can rock your world, but when their PMS comes you better stay away. That is also why I keep a PMS calendar.

Also coincidentally, I now know 4 people who are born on the 17th of July. Two of them I’ve dated and the other two I’ve not. I reckon that if they got their period at the same time, the world will explode.

Speaking of birthdays, I’m reminded of some stuff we used to do when we were kids:

In school, four people would carry the birthday boy, spread his legs and ram him to a tree. They would then sing happy birthday while the boy groaned in pain. If you knew what was good for you, you wouldn’t come to school on your birthday.

Fastfood restaurant Birthdays are pretty fun too. In Macdonalds we get to go in the freezer and get scared when the employees ‘forget’ to open the door again. In A&Ws we get to kick the bear in the tail (that’s for feeding waffles and ice cream to hyperactive children).

Or maybe birthday parties in houses, where we played musical chairs, that freeze game (don’t know what it’s called), water guns, and various kiddy games. One time at Shaun’s house we replaced the cream filling in Oreos with toothpaste and wasabi and served it to our friends. Good times.

This year I celebrated my birthday wailing at the karaoke with some buddies. Then I went to Australia to celebrate my girlfriends birthday.

Wonder whats next?

Oh crap, it’s August already.

humour courtesy of shaun