This is what I do at work everyday:

Basically I’m a code monkey

So anyways, my boss called me in yesterday. I thought I was in trouble for slacking off or whatever, but it was actually just to sign some HR papers. Then he asked me:

“Jason, just curious. What do you do on the weekends?”

I was a little dumbfounded by this question. I just realized that that the past year working here, me and the boss have never had a non-work related conversation. I deliberated for a while, thinking of the best answer that I could give to a boss to impress him. I couldn’t come up with anything so fuck it I said videogames.

Then we talked about call of duty, medal of honor, battlefield 1942 and I found out my boss was a gamer at heart. You see, my boss is 6 feet+, muscled and has a booming voice. He kinda looks like a general or something. Maybe thats why he loves World War II games.

So today, I was having a coffee with my colleague in the pantry and the boss called me in again.

Got a pay raise.

Probably unrelated to the talk about videogames.

“Thanks for fulfilling my sexual needs”

-Er, I’ll take that as a compliment?

“Dear, don’t be offended but I masturbated to a photo of you”

-I’ll also take that as a compliment. But really, she should get better fapping material.

“Don’t you love me?”

-I have to explain this a bit. This was before sex, and she asked me this difficult question. I replied by falling off the bed. We never did it.

“Don’t leave money by my bedside, do you think I’m a prostitute?”

-Everyone puts their money beside the bed right?

“I’m too old to play around anymore, please don’t waste my time”.

-I heard this TWICE last year.

“It looks like my vagina just rejected your dick”

-Why can’t I have a normal life?

Friendship framework

I also learned that the 3 do not have to be mutually exclusive.

Take for instance, a friend who does not have the same viewpoints in life but you get along with him. You can debate on everything and still learn something new from each other.

Or you have share the same hobbies but you don’t really get along or look at things differently. So they’re ‘activity friends’.

A friend that meets the trifecta?

Now, that’s a great friend.

This draft was saved on my blog a few months back, and I actually listed down a few things I wanted in a woman. Here they are:

• long hair
• caring
• feminine
• elder sibling
• can cook

Unfortunately, my girlfriend only fulfills the long hair part. Well, maybe she is caring.

In fact, when I was flirting with her I even joked about her not meeting my criteria. I probably said that just to lower her ego a few notches (useful tip for guys).

Moral of the story is, don’t make a list. Life might surprise you with someone better

Also coincidentally, I now know 4 people who are born on the 17th of July. Two of them I’ve dated and the other two I’ve not. I reckon that if they got their period at the same time, the world will explode.

Speaking of birthdays, I’m reminded of some stuff we used to do when we were kids:

In school, four people would carry the birthday boy, spread his legs and ram him to a tree. They would then sing happy birthday while the boy groaned in pain. If you knew what was good for you, you wouldn’t come to school on your birthday.

Fastfood restaurant Birthdays are pretty fun too. In Macdonalds we get to go in the freezer and get scared when the employees ‘forget’ to open the door again. In A&Ws we get to kick the bear in the tail (that’s for feeding waffles and ice cream to hyperactive children).

Or maybe birthday parties in houses, where we played musical chairs, that freeze game (don’t know what it’s called), water guns, and various kiddy games. One time at Shaun’s house we replaced the cream filling in Oreos with toothpaste and wasabi and served it to our friends. Good times.

This year I celebrated my birthday wailing at the karaoke with some buddies. Then I went to Australia to celebrate my girlfriends birthday.

Wonder whats next?

Oh crap, it’s August already.

Lets say Mr A asks Mr B how much he earns. There’s only 4 outcomes to this:

1. A earns more than B, which makes B sad.
2. B earns more than A, which makes A sad.
3. One of them lies, which makes both sad
4. They both earn the same (however unlikely)

The last one however, brings up other comparisons such as “But I work so much harder!”, “But he’s in IT!”, “But I’m a doctor!”. No matter what happens, one party will end up disastisfied with their current salary. You don’t wanna make someone sad do you ? (unless you’re a jerk)

Any other ideas why its not so nice to talk about salary?

So back to the wall post, it was just a simple “hey, how have you been?”. I found out that she’s studying in Brisbane, where I used to be and that was our common topic for a while. It was only after a hundred posts later that we added each other on msn. That’s when the real fun began.

I asked her out on a ‘date’, which was basically a bunch of notes about a few places in Brisbane. It was a ‘virtual’ tour of a few favorite places of mine along with a story about what I did here and there. I liked that she referred to it as a ‘date’ (but I found out later, its just a date, not a date date). She surprised me by printing a photo (a least likely one, I might add) and bringing ‘me’ along for the date. ‘We’ both had a great time.

It was at this time, that I bought a webcam to chat with her. We’ve spoken on webcam everyday since (except for one time, she was sick and slept early). I guess we’re flirting by now, even having another ‘date’. This time, we just had our favorite instant noodles while chatting on webcam. Was such a silly thing, but we had fun anyways. She makes me grin like an idiot, and apparently she grins too. You know, the kind of grin two people have when they’re in …..

So anyways, I’m smilling ear to ear, thinking about her now. I have a few nicknames for her; ‘almond eyes’ , ‘buttcakes’. (Arent you glad that ‘buttcakes’ isn’t the title of this blog post). I guess we haven’t settled down on a nickname yet, be it ‘dear’, ‘baby’, ‘sweetie’ etc. We chat before sleeping, we give each other nicknames, I put her photo as my phone wallpaper. So I ‘confessed’ to her by holding up a piece of paper, written on marker; I LIKE YOU, as if it wasn’t obvious enough.

Sigh, if only she wasn’t 4000 miles and 14 million seconds away.

That’s right folks, I’m abandoning my comic duties, video games and time magazines, to chat with someone 3000 miles away.

Wish she was here, or I was there. Whatever …