I received a phone call. The familiar ring tone she chose years ago made me smile. However, the smile was short lived, as I knew the reason she called. I hesitated to pick up the phone.

She said she’s been down lately.

She told me that she’s moved on, and I cannot hold on to the past any longer. The past would only ruin me, she said. I’ve been hearing that a lot, but I guess I had to hear it from her.

With those words, she sets me free …

You meet a girl. Your heart beats a little faster when she notices you, and you feel a little nervous. You may pretend not to look, and she does the same. It takes all of your courage just to go and talk to her.

You finally meet, and she’s just as you’d imagined. You can’t help but feel a little lost around her, and even driving seems hard to focus on. You try to keep your cool, and try not to make a fool of yourself.

You get to know her, and realize that this is someone you might just fall for. You start to worry a little, and maybe you put up some defenses. You never felt so clueless …

You held her hand, and she pulls away. Her hand comes closer and you held it again. Your heart races, as you’ve never felt this way since high school. Then she whispers in your ear:

“You do this to all the girls don’t you?”

You try to tell her that you’re not that kind of person. The words don’t come out, and you realize you can’t lie to her. Her eyes, you can’t lie to those eyes.

You start to regret being the kind of person you are, the kind of relationships you’ve been in lately, and how it all seems crashing down on this very moment.

The night ends, and she leaves you torn inside. Torn between the person you used to be and the person you are now.

It’s too late, and it’s not often you meet a girl like her.

And you vow never to let this happen again …

The year 2007 begins with an ending as he left (if )interactive and had a nice party. Since he was working his ass off for a while, he went for a short holiday in Bangkok, and even met someone there on his last day.

When he came back to Malaysia, he got a visit from his Brazillian friend and they proceeded to smoke weed for the first time in their lives. That was pretty awesome.

As it was time to get on with his life, he prepared to study abroad. He pondered on whether to bring his imaginary friend/comfort pillow to Australia. He also wondered if he had any unresolved issues with his father …

Then there was his significant other. Even though they’ve officially broken up for 2 years, they are still sorta seeing each other. So he celebrated her birthday, just before he left for Australia.

Settling down in Australia wasn’t easy, as the first 48 hours were horrible, with no phone, no Internet and no friends. Things took a turn for the better, when everything clicked into place. Initially it was lonely, but he found a bunch of friends he could relate to. Heck, his friends even brought him to a strip club for his birthday!

He had quite a lot of time to reflect on the past. He thought about the breakup, and of all the past relationships he had. After all these years, has he learnt anything at all ?

In December, he returned home to Malaysia. Things remained the same yet different, and he’s still trying to make sense of it. He also took this opportunity to get circumcised.

What happens next ?

The life and times of Jason Phoon resumes in 2008.

I actually got this idea from my 10-year old cousin. He told me that after circumcision, he could pee like a lazer. Guess what happened when his friend made fun of him in the toilet?

I’m so proud of my little cousin, they grow up so fast … sigh.

Misdirected anger

I’ve been having a terrible fever the past few days. Sorry guys for cancelled plans and no-shows, I really want to go out and eat. Do you think it’s possible to get sick by being upset at yourself ?

Most people that have met me will know that I am a very peaceful and non-confrontational person. Some might say that I am very zen-like, and believe things will always turn out for the better.

Today I slammed doors, played my angry college music and shouted into pillows. It felt GREAT.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m just angry at myself. Some of you may know that I am in an ‘open relationship’ where my significant other is currently seeing someone else. Most days I can handle this truth, because I was the one who suggested this kind of relationship in the first place.

Not today.

There were just too many cases of “I don’t miss you because I have a boyfriend” -or- “I can’t go out with you because I have dinner with him”. More than I can handle for now.

My first reaction was to let my anger grow like poison. Thinking of ways to get back, to get even. To hurt her, just because I was hurt myself. Even though it’s not entirely her fault.

I slept over it, hoping these bitter feelings would go away. The next morning I still felt the same. So I let anger run its course, hopefully channeling my anger somewhere else. Like playing guitar, drawing or writing this blog entry.

I’ve given into wrath enough, and I’m now exhausted.

I’m going to take a nap now.