The Life and Times of Jason Phoon » 2006

Archive for October, 2006

stars

Saturday, October 28th, 2006

Once upon a time, a girl bought a bunch of glow-in-the-dark stars. She took half and put them on the ceiling above my bed. As I helped her down from the bed, we nearly had our first kiss. The other half she put in her room , also above her bed.

Every night before I slept I would count the stars, just to make sure none of them dropped off. It was the last thing we both saw before we fell asleep, dreaming of each other. Sometimes, we even had the same exact dreams.

When we broke up, she took down all the stars from her room. All except one, which was all the hope that things would be better between us. But that was not to be, and she finally took the last one down. The last time I spoke to her was when she slammed the door of my car and walked out of my life.

Years later I met her at a club. We were worlds apart by then.

I went home and looked at the stars, still on the ceiling. The irony is that it is now my brother’s room, and he has no idea where the stars came from.

Today I was cleaning my room and found her old letters. I sent her a message “I took down the stars. sorry about everything, and thank you”.

Tomorrow, I’ll put the stars in my room, above my bed. Just to remind myself that I wasn’t always this cynical. I won’t always make the same mistakes. And hope, maybe, for me to be a better man someday.

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jason vs flarke

Thursday, October 26th, 2006

Flarke , by the way , is the name of this TV table thingie I got from Ikea. Who comes up with these names anyway ?

First thing I see out of the box are the instructions. Here’s a snippet:

Great, after I bring home the box (alone) and it’s in my house I see this. ? How about the fact that I don’t have a curly haired friend to help me out ?

Well , this is my first purchase from Ikea and first assembly ever, for furniture of any kind. A landmark moment in my history folks. ( yeah yeah, I know you all built a house, whatever)

Here’s what happened:

empty box and marvel at the instructions
panic a little cause there’s so much stuff to do
run around the house looking for a screwdriver and a hammer
put the stuff together
run around the house looking for a ruler. For some reason, there is no ruler in the whole house
yell a little and use a measuring tape instead
hammer the stuff together
be proud over achievement

Flarke (pronounced Flar-kay). Yeah, wtf.

And nope , I didnt’ get hurt. No blood, no severed fingers no nothing. Just a lot of profanity. Sometimes I feel that I’m getting older and grumpier. Hmmph.

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purgatory

Tuesday, October 24th, 2006

Every once in a while, you can’t sleep at night. You just can’t figure out why. The silence at first is deafening because you’re away from all your distractions.

Then if you think a little more, you realise you have a lot of unresolved issues. Not just work, assignments, deadlines or whatever you procrastinated. Everything that you avoided comes back and engulfs you.

You’re now in your own personal hell.

What do you do ? Do you fight and deny it ? Rationalize ? Put it off and fight another day ? overthink and overanalyze ?

.. and what if there was no way out ? Would you end up in a asylum somewhere ? Or perhaps just go into depression ?

This very night I was faced with such a predicament. And I’m proud to say I emerged victorious over my own demons. Somehow the years have thought me something, that there is nothing to be fearful about. That everything will turn out fine. Or even better than I ever wanted it to be.

This is my coming of age.

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